Returning to art after years away has been joyful, emotional and well more recently an existential nightmare. But here's a self portrait of me and my favourite Starbucks drink I drew before I succumbed to the entropy of my existential crisis.
Tag: depression
The Grief of a Meteor Shower
I watched the Perseid meteor shower expecting the same wonder I’d always felt, but grief was there too. Beneath the excitement was the absence of my best friend, and the person I was before she died. I still love the stars. I just wish, sometimes, that they were magic.
Nobody Warned Me About Recovering Through Perimenopause
I thought recovering from anorexia wouldnt be any different with age. Instead, I recovered straight into perimenopause. Night sweats, burning mouth, changing metabolism and almost no research on what happens when these two collide. This is what I wish someone had warned me about before I found out the hard way.
When the Chaos Stops
Turns out impulsively destroying furniture was an excellent distraction. Unfortunately, once the chaos stopped, my brain made up for lost time. Heatwaves, recovery, routine, British summer tapas and one very confused Jellycat croissant all somehow ended up in the same blog post.
This Story Gets Hairy
I went from brown hair to brown hair via a spectacular detour involving Vantablack ends, Anish Kapoor jokes, a scalp that felt sunburnt, and enough hair dye to chemically alter my postcode. It also turned into an unexpected lesson about how invisible struggle can be.
Little Lights in the Hole!
Still deep in the hole, I’ve been trying to find little lights in the dark anyway. Pigeons by the river, audiobooks that reignited my love of science fiction, Project Hail Mary nights with my son, and tiny moments of peace that didn’t cure me, but reminded me there’s still warmth outside the fear.
Fire in the Hole!
What began as a recovery wobble became a deeper fall into fear, shame, exhaustion, survival behaviours and a literal fire that no longer even felt like an eating disorder. A post about panic, uncertainty, and trying to climb back out while terrified of the surface.
The Collapse and the Suspicious Croissant
Recovery did not just bring weight gain back. It brought me back too. My intensity, my emotions, my curiosity, my writing, my ability to feel present in the world again. The terrifying part is that becoming yourself again after grief means learning how to sit with an entirely new version of yourself and more importantly, not running away.
You Can Still Have A Life – Even During Cluster Headache Season.
I almost didn’t write this post because I feel like I’m always the person with another problem. But cluster headaches are part of my life for months every year. Hiding them never helped me. Even during relic malfunctions and pain, life still happens - sausage rolls, book towns, and Minecraft houses full of chickens.
Oh the IRON-y
Day four of my surplus wasn't to be... Again. I had the audacity to take iron to help my anaemia. Iron stops play. Oh the IRON-y
