It’s been a REALLY rough week, hence my lack of posts here on the blog.

Since taking the 25,000 IU vitamin D twice a week, it’s hit me like a double-decker Brexit bus and is just as infuriating. I feel really weak. My legs are currently like jelly and unstable, making even simple tasks like getting a drink from the kitchen or going to the bathroom feel like I’m scaling a swinging rope bridge in Ash Canyon in The Long Dark. I then have the fatigue afterward to match.

This meant that Mother’s Day was spent completely exhausted, curled up in a weird position on the sofa as I’m struggling to even hold my head up — or type this post. My son and I decided to postpone Mother’s Day until I feel better. He did still give me a present and some really lovely cards, though. I’ll post those separately when I’m feeling a bit more human.

Taking the D Made Me Weak At the Knees

I took the first dose on Monday, and that evening I felt so nauseous I couldn’t eat. I felt HORRENDOUS. I have emetophobia so I really struggle when anything makes me nauseated.
By Tuesday, I was so weak and tired that after getting up and having coffee, I fell asleep on the sofa and ended up going back to bed — waking up at 4pm. When I did, I found it really difficult to lift myself out of bed with my legs because of the muscle weakness.

Wednesday wasn’t much different, but Thursday I felt a bit better and managed to get myself to a dietitian appointment (up a hill, no less). My legs were burning something chronic, but I got there and actually felt a little relief because I felt more like myself again.

However, I had to take the second dose on Thursday. And Thursday evening was much the same as the first: very bad nausea, completely out of it, and just generally feeling terribly poorly. I ended up going to bed really early.

Friday I felt a little better again and managed to organise my bedroom. It was hard work, but I just about pulled it off.

Then Saturday hit — and the weakness was TERRIBLE. I could barely move at all. I spent the entire day watching movies (Catch Me If You Can and The Social Network) and just shrimped on the sofa. I had to build up actual courage just to get up and go to the bathroom or fetch a drink. My mood started to shift too — I was getting random waves of irritation, frustration, and teariness. Full-on PMT energy without the PMT. Everything was pissing me off including feeling like absolute trash.

The Hangover of Taking the D

Today is Sunday, and the weakness from yesterday is still hanging around — and now I have a rash all over my hands. Fun times.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to go pick up the rest of my vitamin D doses from the pharmacy, and I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to manage it. It’s incredibly difficult to be on my feet. My knees keep giving way, and they’ve been quite painful on top of that.

It really feels like I’ve put my body through what I put Astrid through in The Long Dark — only I’ve just been sat here, on the sofa, doing absolutely nothing.

I’ll still try to get to the pharmacy, because I want to ask if this is normal. I’ve been a bit worried about taking such high doses while I’m underweight. My BMI is pretty low now, and this vitamin D mess has made me lose even more weight. I’m starting to think it might need to be adjusted. I mean — probably yes, if I’m struggling to walk, or even keep my head (or weight) up.

I’ll speak to the pharmacist, but I’m thinking of just getting the 4000 IU from Vitabiotics and taking that daily instead once this weakness and unsightly rash passes. I’ve tolerated 4000 IU well before.

I guess I am far too asexual to tolerate such large doses of D.

Not All Bad

It hasn’t been all bad this week — I’ll definitely try and post about those things too. My weight loss and severe nausea might sound like I didn’t eat all week, but despite everything, I did eat — and even challenged some food fears. I’ve also been more committed to recovery.

My son met me after my dietitian appointment, and we had a lovely coffee together in Starbucks. I’m so glad I was out that day with him. It really helped me get through the cancelled Mother’s Day weekend. I want to expand on all these things in separate posts this week.

Hopefully I’ll start feeling a little better once I’ve got some advice and a new plan for my vitamin D.

I’d love to post here more often, but I get attacked a bit by my perfectionism when it comes to blogging. I haven’t had the energy for seventeen read-throughs and infinite edits, and now I’ve got this mountainous backlog of important things I want to share. I need to get out of that habit. I never used to do this back when I blogged before.

Maybe I should save my editing energy for the really important stuff only. I don’t want to get burned out from how much effort I try to apply to these posts, especially when I’m struggling physically and mentally. If you’ve got any tips regarding taming the beast that is perfectionism when it comes to blogging, please let me know.

Here’s the song for the D references, but also with my adapted lyrics.
I’m down on my knees,
I got a deficiency.
In the midnight hour,
My stomach is sour,
Just like a prayer,
This D wont take me there.