As I’ve been increasing calories in my effort to get back on the maintenance wagon in ED recovery, I’ve been spending more time prioritising myself instead of worrying about what I think I should be doing.

It sounds simple, but when you’ve spent years putting external expectations first — whether from social media, mental health professionals, or just the world in general — actually focusing on yourself feels like an alien concept. Almost selfish. But I’ve started letting myself do it anyway.

The Absolute Necessity of Prioritising Yourself in ED Recovery

Search for anything about eating disorder recovery, and you’ll find “prioritise yourself” at the top of every list. Recovery is a full-time job — every moment from waking up to going to sleep is a constant fight. On top of that, there are side effects to manage, endless medical appointments, meal plans, and weight changes.

With so much to juggle, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are — and why you’re even fighting. Recovery can start to feel like just another list of things you have to do, rather than something that’s actually for you. I know this too well because I’ve been through it before. The only way I made it through was by fully committing to the fight and actively making space for myself in it.

A lot of advice about recovery assumes you have a built-in support system — someone to buy your food, prep your meals, hold you accountable, or even just make sure you’re okay. But that’s not everyone’s reality. It never was for me. The first time I recovered, I had a seven year old son and was managing everything alone — my food, my appointments, my bills, my responsibilities. On top of that, I had his responsibilities — his food, his appointments, his school. I didn’t have anyone to lean on. I still don’t, not in that way.

It’s easy to say full recovery is only possible with a strong support network, but where does that leave people who don’t have one? Parents, caregivers, people managing entire households? People who are the ones supporting others while also trying to recover? We exist. We just have to approach recovery differently. Because you can recover without a support system — but you have to become your own.

That’s why prioritising myself isn’t some cute wellness trend — it’s necessary. I can’t wait for perfect conditions because they don’t exist. No one is coming to save or help me, I have to save and help myself. I have to make recovery fit into my reality, even if that reality doesn’t look like the idealised version people talk about online.

So, to remind myself why this matters — and maybe to help you do the same — here’s how I’ve been prioritising myself since increasing my intake, and what’s actually been helping.

How I’ve Been Prioritising Myself.

I’m not sure how I came up with this, but one morning, instead of my usual thought of “What do I HAVE to get done today? What’s REQUIRED of me?”, I asked myself: “What do I WANT to do today?”

That might not sound like much, but for me, it was a huge shift. My days had become entirely about what I owed to others — what I had to do, rather than what I wanted to do. And while responsibilities can’t just be thrown out the window, prioritising yourself shouldn’t be an afterthought. It should be built into your day, just like anything else that matters.

Now, I structure my day differently. I figure out what I want to do first, and then I work it in around what I have to do — almost like a meal plan, but for self-care. If I really want uninterrupted time for a hobby, I schedule it in like an appointment. It’s helped so much, because before, my entire day was about everyone else — even though I’m dealing with depression too.

I’ve set aside specific times for myself, like 3pm (for tea reasons, which I’ll get into later) and after dinner. Having those fixed moments gives my day more structure — structure that isn’t just about food or fighting my eating disorder. It’s a reminder that I exist outside of my responsibilities, that I matter too.

It’s easy to forget about myself when I’m so focused on being a good mother, but the person staring back at me in the mirror has been completely neglected for far too long. Prioritising yourself isn’t always easy — it’s actually hard work. It feels selfish, and it can bring grief and tension. To truly prioritise yourself, you also have to confront what’s draining you.

But in this post, I want to focus on the good — the ways I’ve been prioritising myself that actually feel nice. If you’re trying to do the same, my advice? Start with the easy wins. Find things that bring you comfort and joy first, so you have something solid to hold onto before tackling the harder parts of prioritising yourself.

Spilling The Tea On Tea

Since increasing my intake, I’ve had to put a lot of food into my body that doesn’t bring me comfort. Recovery means pushing through meals that don’t feel safe, sitting with the discomfort, fighting Corrupted Clippy every single time I eat. But tea? Tea has never been a battle.

Tea is warm, familiar, soothing. It doesn’t come with calories, weight gain fears, or the emotional warfare of trying to finish a meal. It’s just tea. And because of that, it’s become one of the only things I can actually enjoy without a mental fight.

So I figured, why not explore it more? If I have to go through all this food stress, at least I can find comfort in drinking something. I waited until 3 pm every day, because that’s when the Tea Alarm sounds off around Britain, and frankly, I can’t afford any more TVLA (Tea Violation Licensing Authority) points.

I started with Yorkshire Tea’s Caramelised Biscuit tea, which did not taste like biscuits, and Bird and Blend Creme Egg tea which was another disappointment, I really don’t get the hype of their tea, they’re the weakest tea you can buy.

But then… then there was matcha.

I have wanted to try it for so long, and then, while in Marks & Spencer after dealing with my medication, there it was in the reduced section. Reduced from £5.99 to £1 for 7 sachets. I immediately grabbed three packs. This was divine intervention from the Universe. And let me tell you — it really was.

Matcha is absolutely delicious. It’s exactly what I always thought green tea would taste like but never did. I’d put off trying it because everyone says it “tastes like grass,” and since avocado already betrayed me with its grass-flavoured lies, I didn’t want to risk it. But matcha? Matcha is nothing like that.

I drink mine just with water, and I love the froth on top. I’ll try a matcha latte at some point — maybe iced in the summer because that sounds insanely refreshing. Now, I actually get excited when 3pm rolls around. It’s not just Tea Alarm Time anymore — it’s Matcha Time. I’m also excited because I have one more item I can actually order from Starbucks, instead of my standard Americano.

Highly recommend as a coping mechanism for dealing with the tyranny of the Tea Alarm, and honestly, it’s been a great distraction from the timing and monitoring of my food.

The New Journals

Thinking about hobbies and how best to spend my time between Tea Alarms, I decided to buy new journals. The last time I wrote in a journal was before my relapse, and ever since, it’s been too hard to go back to it. I feel like a different person from the one who wrote in it last. Which, to be fair, is true. ED relapses fundamentally change you, temporarily. So I thought, if I got a new one, maybe I could use it to document my recovery alongside my blog.

I figured I could fill it with food wins, goals, and make it all pretty. Maybe it would even help me brainstorm blog posts. The last time I blogged consistently, I kept a journal at the same time, and it helped so much. Sometimes, when you write out the absolute nonsense your brain is spewing without much thought, you accidentally find some good points to expand on.

I loved the journal I had last time, so I got the same one again — a beautiful brown one with a geometric bear on the front by Avocado and Spice. I’ve had a lot of journals over the years, and Avocado and Spice are BY FAR my favourite for paper quality, journal quality, and the fact that you can stick so much in them before they get huge and messy.

Making Everything Cosy

It surprised me to find that some of my wants were actually a little responsible. After a night of insomnia and only two hours of sleep, I woke up and my first thought wasn’t food or exhaustion — it was that I really wanted to make my room more cosy. If I couldn’t sleep, at least I could love my space.

So, I made it a sensory haven. I refilled the batteries on my string lights, washed my sheets with way too much fabric softener, scattered Jellycats everywhere, and burned a wax melt for a few hours before bed. After my Yog Nog Lush bath, I finally climbed into bed, exhausted from the effort but wrapped in warmth and softness.

I still had insomnia that night, but lying there in the cosiness I’d created felt different. It was one of the first times I’d actually felt proud of myself. Sometimes, prioritising yourself isn’t about huge steps — it’s about small, comforting things that remind you that you matter, too.

And Many More Too

It’s been a week since I started prioritising myself, and it’s been so helpful to my mental health so far. It’s given me routine and structure. Of course, there are so many more ways I’ll keep prioritising myself, but this is how I started — while also increasing my calories.

Even though these changes have helped me, prioritising yourself isn’t always easy. It’s not just about making time for things that bring comfort — it also means facing the things that don’t. It’s come with grief, and honestly, that’s something I need to expand on properly in it’s own post. If I tried to fit it here, this post would turn into War and Peace.

So, I’ll be back soon with more posts — a little Prioritising Myself series. Some will be “look at these nice things I did for myself,” and some will be “here’s why prioritising yourself can actually feel like loss.” Because while taking care of yourself is necessary and helps so much, it’s also complicated.

Here’s a song for the post. Glory Days, by Just Jack.
It’s time to look to the future
Just when I was gettin’ used to the humdrum
I realised in the depths of my depression
That I really wanted to be someone

So let’s smash the past like a tacky figurine
On the back page of a supplementary magazine
But for the time being, bop your head to the beat
Sit back, put your feet up and relax