This week, grab a coffee (or your favourite cosy drink) with me and join me for a week-in-review. From plushie adventures to moments of struggle, there’s a lot to share.

Wins of the Week

This week, I added two new Jellycat plushies to my collection: Roxy and Ember, a fox duo who bring their own charm to my cosy crew. Roxy was meant to be my ‘adventure buddy,’ and Ember my backup fox but her sweetness quickly made her irreplaceable. They have not left my side since they arrived they are absolutely adorable and are helping me through all of the, “Get in the Bins”.

On Halloween, my son and I watched two Scream movies, Scream 5 (I think it’s technically Scream 5?) and then we watched the original classic Scream, my son hadn’t seen it before so it was really great to watch him watch it. I was not feeling well at all on Halloween but, it was really lovely to make the effort to watch a movie with him. I know watching a movie doesn’t seem like it would be an effort but it really was, given my “Get in The Bins” were trying to take over any wins I attempted.

Get in the Bins

On Tuesday, I faced a daunting dentist visit to check on my TMJ disorder, which flared up terribly. With jaw pain that radiated up to my eye and cheek, it was an ordeal, especially when combined with a cluster headache episode. I thought it might be TMJ but I usually go to the dentist to rule out any tooth problems as it makes me more comfortable to know that it isn’t actually a tooth abscess as the pain intensity is very similar. I have booked an optician appointment for next week just to check on my eye too as the TMJ is causing quite a few bothersome vision problems.

Cluster headaches — the intense, unwelcome guests that visit me twice a year, like clockwork— made an appearance this week. Cluster headaches are not like migraines or sinus headaches, they’re excruciating and relentless, earning the nickname ‘suicide headaches’ because the pain is beyond what most can imagine. No quick fixes here — just endurance, oxygen through a mask and Red Bull to help you through each attack. Each episode brings a relentless series of daily attacks for 6-8 weeks. This time, a third episode hit, likely tied to my anorexia relapse, which adds a risk of becoming chronic. Simply walking to the dentist triggered an attack, and I found myself clenching through it in the dentist’s chair, trying not to scream or cry. I only managed an hour of sleep that night, and the next few days were a blur of pain and exhaustion. It made trying to focus on anything, including fun activities like watching movies impossible at times due to the unwelcome sudden attacks of excruciating pain. It’s hard to describe, but hugging Bart and Roxy, my plushie bear and fox, became a lifeline.

Castle Building Update

I use the “castle” metaphor for my eating disorder — right now, my castle has collapsed, and I’m focused on rebuilding the foundation currently with next to no support from the NHS. My relationship with food has become incredibly rigid, with little room for change, making it hard to even attempt eating foods outside of my usual routine. But this week, I had a small but meaningful breakthrough: “The Day of the Beans.” After months of eating the same foods every day, I decided to try something different—a simple bowl of beans with cheese, a food I actually love but haven’t allowed myself.

As silly as it may sound, eating those beans was a big win. In the moment, I imagined myself as a character from The Long Dark, warming beans over a campfire in the snow, which helped me feel comforted rather than anxious. Although the rigidity of my routine returned the next day, that one meal reminded me that I can make small changes, one brick at a time. I’m learning to be patient with this process since each change, however small, stirs up so much emotionally. Right now, the approach has to be slow and steady — one careful brick at a time.

Plushie Adventures

My son came with me to my dentist appointment for support, so I met him at the train station as he was on his way back from University. We met a little too early so we took our plushies to Starbucks together for a pre-dentist treat. I had an Americano and my teen had a mocha and some delicious lemon cake, it was Roxy the fox’s first adventure with me outside, he had been giving me so much emotional support that I just had to take him with me to support me at the dentist, his efforts deserved a Starbucks treat too. My teen was adorable and “fed” some of their cake to Roxy. I had bought a little silver bunny Jellycat and we had to stop them from play fighting each other – I should have thought about purchasing a bunny when I had a mischievous fox with me.

When the dentist appointment ended, we walked along the path next to the river. It was quite dark even though it was only 5pm – we are deep into string light season now. It was so peaceful watching the river reflect all the buildings and lights. I could have stood there looking at the river all night, but as the pain was becoming really intense by this point I really wanted to go home, so I took as many photographs as I could so I could carry on looking at the river in the comfort of my own home. It really was the highlight of my day to watch the river, it totally made up for the “waiting mode” an early evening appointment caused.

On Friday, my son and I had to go to the supermarket to buy more food and more movie snacks for our Scream marathon so we took our Barts and Jellytot my little penguin plushie along the river on the way there. We use any excuse to walk along the river, even if we are meant to be walking to the supermarket we will sneak it in. It was really tranquil there too, so playing around with the plushies and taking numerous photographs was really nice. My plushies looked at the Seagulls and played in the foliage. We came back and chilled out, as much as possible with a searing cluster headache, with another Scream movie and the popcorn we bought at the supermarket.

I am hoping next week is much less painful, but as cluster headaches are often multiple weeks long cyclical events and they just started this week, it’s not very likely. Still, I always have hope for less pain and even if it is as painful as this week has been, I know there will still be wins, plushie news, new bricks for my foundation and achievements just like there have been this week. Thank you so much for joining my plushies and me for coffee, I look forward to our next coffee together.

(Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Natalie the Explorer)