Grief and relapse go hand in hand. The person I’d turn to for strength is the one I’m grieving. I’ve retreated into survival mode — the airlock, as I call it. It numbs the grief and quiets my thoughts, but it’s a trap. Right now? It’s where I am
Tag: anorexia recovery
I Tried Self Care and All I Got Was a Nicer Place to Cry
Self care is supposed to help you feel better, but when you’re battling depression, it can feel like a chore with little payoff. I created Pinterest-worthy spaces and tried everything, but the crash still came. At least now I know: it’s better to cry in a cosy haven.
Psychiatrist Cancelled, I Cried, Then I Bought Jellycats in Cardiff
When my psychiatrist appointment was cancelled during a mental health crisis, I felt adrift. Instead of spiraling, I escaped to Cardiff—a place that usually feels like home. This is about frustration, yes, but also continuing to keep on keeping on when the system fails to show up.
The Love for my Son Transcends Space, Time… and the Black Hole of Depression.
These new Jellycats aren’t just adorable— they’re symbols of love, and the light my space baby brings even near the black hole of depression. From Sir Isaac pondering the gravity of peanuts to adorably caffeinated plushie coffees, they remind me that together, we transcend space, time, and darkness.
Opening the AirlockED Door – Facing Equilibrium
In the quiet chaos of ED recovery, one bowl of cheesy beans becomes a battle cry. From airlocks and equilibrium to the bittersweet flood of emotions, this is a story of nourishment, resilience, and small victories that taste like hope. A journey back to life, one cheesey bean at a time.
Against the Gravity: Fighting to Keep My Entire Self from the Black Hole
Navigating life near a depression black hole, I find hope in small moments: pigeons at my window, a Blueberry fan club, and physics books that ground me. Even when it feels impossible, these moments remind me who I am — a person who celebrates love, connection, and the light within
AirlockED – My ED and the Illusion of Safety in the Airlock.
Navigating life with an eating disorder feels like being trapped in an airlock, caught between the crushing pull of a black hole and the safety of my ship. Recovery is about survival, fear, and the hard choices to step through pain for freedom. Let’s explore the illusion of the airlocks safety together.
A Sea Of Love-ly Treasures – My Birthday Haul
Plushies have always been a love language for me, symbolising comfort, connection, and hope. From my son's Jellycat birthday cake to earrings that reflect my journey of healing, each gift tells a story of love and resilience. This birthday gift haul reminded me how deeply I’m seen, valued, and celebrated
Still Alive – The Birthday Cake Is a Lie: Reflections on Turning 41
As I approach my 41st birthday, I reflect on the complexities of life: grief from losing my best friend, WeeGee, and ongoing battles with mental illness. Birthdays remind me of love lost and the importance of healing, which is not about curing but living amidst struggles. My journey continues, intertwined with memories and resilience.
I Can See Clearly Now – New Glasses and the Cosmic Alignment of the Moon.
The author shares a reflective account of their particularly eventful Thursday, starting with collecting new glasses from Specsavers. Excited about clearer vision, they enjoy a day filled with family moments, coffee at Starbucks, and an unexpected cluster headache. Experiencing beauty in small details, they find joy and clarity in everyday events.
Absurd Universe 