Grief, ED recovery, Mental Health and all the lovely things that give my Sisyphean rock meaning
Navigating life near a depression black hole, I find hope in small moments: pigeons at my window, a Blueberry fan club, and physics books that ground me. Even when it feels impossible, these moments remind me who I am — a person who celebrates love, connection, and the light within
Navigating life with an eating disorder feels like being trapped in an airlock, caught between the crushing pull of a black hole and the safety of my ship. Recovery is about survival, fear, and the hard choices to step through pain for freedom. Let’s explore the illusion of the airlocks safety together.
Depression is a black hole, pulling everything in while forcefully ejecting emotions you thought you’d buried. It corrupts time, leaving the good unreachable and the bad amplified. But even here, in the void, I know the bird of hope is alive. I can’t hear it yet, but it’s still singing.
On my 41st birthday, snow transformed the day into something rare and magical. My teen and I bundled up, ventured out, and even braved some long-held fears with a Starbucks meal. Later, depression and a headache crashed into the evening, but the beauty of the day — and the courage it took to embrace it — reminded me that even fleeting joy is worth celebrating.
As I approach my 41st birthday, I reflect on the complexities of life: grief from losing my best friend, WeeGee, and ongoing battles with mental illness. Birthdays remind me of love lost and the importance of healing, which is not about curing but living amidst struggles. My journey continues, intertwined with memories and resilience.
I went shopping in Marks & Spencer today with my teen. We were there to pick up some treats after our Specsavers adventure, and as I looked into the sandwich fridge through the crowd of work people frantically grabbing their meal-deal lunches, there it was — the Turkey Feast sandwich, in all its festive glory. …
Continue reading Be More Kind – Grief and The Battle of the Corporate Festive Sandwiches
We have a brand new Jellycat friend in the Seren household, but before I properly introduce you to him, I’d like to introduce you to someone else: my dad. 2020 was the year my best friend, WeeGee, died. It was also the last time I saw my dad. He’s the most intelligent person I've ever …
Continue reading Ode to My Family – My Dad, and My New Jellycat Fox
Ever since I can remember, I've had this pathological compulsion for avoidance and escapism. I remember being a young school kid staring out of the bus window on the long freezing cold journeys to school in the winter, blasting "Muse - Newborn" from my CD Walkman, imagining that I was escaping, running away to never …
Continue reading Thoughts from the Moon – Escapism and Avoidance
It is COVID-19 booster season, and as much as I really appreciate that I can have one, I couldn't help but feel the vaccine left a bitter taste in my mouth - I mean this literally and metaphorically, it made me taste metal and alcohol all the live long day. It was one of those …
Continue reading Reignite – Brute Force and the Covid Booster.
I explained in my previous post, "Here We Go", how I ended up relapsing from anorexia recovery after 12 years, but I made it sound far more simple than it actually was for the sake of brevity. Almost as if, the anniversary of WeeGee's death, who if you haven't read that post, was my best …
Absurd Universe 